About two months ago, I took out a Tarot deck, the Thoth deck, one that I didn't use that often, to try to delve into the future of my life/existence. I used a new spread that I was unfamiliar with, that was on the pages of a book that accompanied the deck. The layout itself was fascinating to unfold, as much as the cards were. The Thoth deck is drawn in a very rich way, with complex colors, symbols, and imagery that are right for the more involved reading and interpretation. A few days ago, I decided to pull out that deck, after a night of feeling lost and of not knowing what lies ahead of myself, and decided to use a common spread called the Celtic Cross. What surprised me (which should not be a surprise really), was that the cards that I pulled out were nearly identical to the ones I had drawn a few months ago. I remember them, as I was reading the same information over again. It was as if a clear message or indication was being sent to me.
The Tarot is a mystical thing, allowing me and anyone else that cares to listen, to explore the situations and influences affecting the human psyche. What it revealed to me was something I had already known: that it was time for me to stop being so critical of my work, and to just do it. The few cards that surfaced both times were plenty, but the ones that were the crux of my situation was the 9 of Swords, which usually points to cruelty to oneself. All artists do it. I admit to it. The other dark card was The Devil card. And if my memory serves correct, it was the outcome card both times. In the Rider Waite deck, it is a very intense and not a good card to have, but in the Thoth deck, it is rather is different. It is actually quite beautiful, with a lot of sexual energy and release. A smiling goat is centered in the card with a phallic symbol (in the form of energy rising from the ground to the heavens) is behind him. The goat is Pan, devoid of desire (a form of imprisonment) and as such, is content and happy. I have been desiring many thing of late, thereby creating my own unhappiness when I do not 'have' it. It's something I have to deal with. How the 9 of Swords and The Devil Card cross each is fascinating, as the first card reveals how I am now, and The Devil card is what I want to move towards, if I was to change my way of thinking. The interpretation can be quite varied, but it seems clear that my situation is that I am the only person that can pull myself out....
